I'm feeling a little better both physically and emotionally. I don't know how in the world my friends have done this more than once.
And so I wonder and ask you to help me think this out. It has been suggested that we told everyone too early. I'm scared to death that this will happen again, yet I so desperately want another baby. So if the Lord blesses us again (oh PLEASE) then do we wait until the danger zone has passed before we spread the word? Or do you just tell some but hold off on the general public? What do you do?
I'm especially eager to hear from my friends that have walked this road ahead of us. Or anyone else who has an opinion. If you'd prefer, e-mail me privately.
7 comments:
First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. I have never experienced this kind of loss and heart-ache myself, but I have had several friends who have...I can only imagine how painful it is.
Second, I don't think any one should tell you when you should or should not share the news of your pregnancy, that is such a personal decision!
I think some people don't tell others early on, because if something were to go wrong, they find it too hard emotionally when others ask them over and over how they are doing. Or they fear having an un-informed person suddenly ask how the pregnancy is going.
However, just imagine not telling anyone of your pregnancy... wouldn't it be even harder to have to go through the loss and sadness alone? To have no one else to talk to who has gone through it before? To have no other encouragement, information and an understanding that You Are Not The Only One?
So I suppose I'm in the "Tell A Few Good Friends" camp, ones who understand, and you know who will stick with you and love and support you regardless... who aren't afraid of your tears and fears :-)
I think about you a lot, and pray that God will bring you and your family through this difficult time!
Sandy, I know you don't really know me. I am Brannan Sirratt's mom. We have been through this several times as well as a stillborn. I think you have to do what is right for you and your husband. But I will tell you what we did. We told people right away when we found out we were pregnant. We coveted their prayers. Prayers for our sanity, health, peace, trust. We couldn't imagine going through any of it alone. We were so excited with each pregnancy, even though we became cautious. We had to have the love and support of our friends. We also needed their prayers and support when the pregnancy ended. I can not imagine going through that alone when the people we love and who loved us would not have known so they could be there for us. I hope that makes sense. I can truly say I know what you are going through.Our prayers are with your family.
I, personally, don't think you 'told too soon'. honestly - it angers me that anyone suggested that! (I guess I've struggled with that my whole life - I can remember getting in trouble when I was young for 'taking up another's offense')
I guess what you have to ask yourself is - Does the love, support & prayers you've received outweigh the unkind remarks?
If the Lord should give you this cup again, would you want others to try to help (in a very small way) to bear your burden, or would you want to carry the weight alone?
I don't mean to be heartless - but there really is no 'danger zone is passed'.
God could choose to take any of our children at any point.
I always thought - breathe easy once you hit the second trimester. Then, my sister lost a baby at 20 weeks. There went that 'safety net'.
Women deliver full-term stillborn babies. If Josiah hadn't been a c-section, he likely would have died at birth.
A 2-year old chokes on a pretzel & dies.
The Chapman's just lost their 5 year old......
From a completely selfish satndpoint, I would hate for you (or any of my friends) to go through the loss of a baby & not know about it. Knowing allows me to pray more & to try to be sensitive to you.
I'm glad you are beginning to feel a bit better.
love, Tracy, you know - the one who's never afraid to say what she thinks :-)
Well, I have to agree that it is just a personal decision. I've never experienced what you've gone through, so really I can't relate to that part of it. I personally didn't like to tell until about 12 weeks, but I am a very private person and that was just my choice. Of course, it makes your pregnancies seem shorter to everyone else!! I'm still praying for you and your family, but glad to hear that you've received comfort. Love, Michele
Sandy,
When I got pregnant for the first time I told the whole world right away. When I miscarried, of course we told all our friends and family and appreciated their love and support. But I didn't think about all the people at work (an elementary school). Many heard throught the grapevine that I was pregnant, but not that I had miscarried. So I had to endure some questions like, "Are you starting to pop out yet?" two months after I miscarried. It was hard to have to relive it. So for me, it was better to hold off a little bit on telling people the next time I got pregnant (I only waited until about 8 weeks with the twins and 9 weeks with Joel). But I don't think anyone else can tell you when is the right time to tell. It's a totally personal decision and depends somewhat on your experience this time.
I have something for you...I'll try to stop by tomorrow if that's alright.
Love,
Amanda
Mrs. T,
I've never been in your position, but as a friend of you and your daughters, I was glad to be able to share in your hope and even in your pain (though I know I couldn't feel either anywhere near as intensely as you could).
I loved being able to pray for your family.
How can Christians fellowship if they don't know the joys and struggles that their brothers and sisters are having?
It may seem selfish to say, but I hope that it encourages you (which is why I say it) I've grown in the Lord through praying for your family and 'watching' you all's reactions. And I bet other people have too.
Also, I'm with mom - quite irritated that anyone would suggest that you told ppl too early. Maybe it runs in our family :)
I'm with Tracy on this one. It's an exciting time and I was never able to hold back telling friends and family. We almost lost our third to a heart defect at birth, so I'm not sure there is a "danger zone" either. The loss is still great, no matter what the stage. I've not lost a precious little one, but have mourned a loss of not being able to have more children. Thank you for allowing us to cover you in prayer.
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