Conflict And The Progression Of An Idol Part 1

My blog is therapeutic.  Typing to an unknown, unseen audience of question somehow helps me to sort out my thoughts. 

I'm learning some things that I don't want to forget.  In order to do that I need to practice going over them in my mind.  Alot.  I need to regurgitate it in order to internalize it.   I'm using my blog to do that...again.  So I'm going to be a bit real with you and do a short series on conflict and what is churning around in my heart. 

Here goes...
June and July have not been my best months.  I've found myself in one conflict after another.  Sometimes they have been "outloud" confrontational types and others have just been conflicts in my heart.   I've been reading The Peace Maker by Ken Sande.  This has taken me a looong time to read b/c it is so hard.   It's not a book to skim that's for sure. 

So as I spent another sleepless night thinking, praying, and committing it to God I decided to just get up and do some more reading.  (Most everything from here on out is straight from the book.)

~Conflict always begins with some sort of desire.  Some desires are good, some are bad.   It is not unreasonable to speak to someone who is standing in the way of a good desire.  But when it is not being received well or not being acted upon then the ball is back in my court.  And this is where I am failing. 

~Unmet desires have the potential of working themselves deeper and deeper into our hearts.  This is especially true when we come to see a desire as something we need or deserve and therefore must have in order to be happy or fulfilled.  And there are many ways to justify or legitimize a desire.  One of the subtlest cloaking devices is to argue that we want only what we legitimately deserve or what God himself commands. 

Then where does it go?  And what do I spend my time thinking about?  Where do I put my trust?  What do I fear?  And is there something I desire so much that I am willing to disappoint or hurt others in order to have it? 

And how is that played out?  In my case, pouting, crying, yelling, hiding behind sarcasm, judging, accusing, whining and my personal go-to....withdrawal.  Just being honest here. 

In Biblical terms an idol is something other than God that we set our heart on (Luke 12:29; 1 Cor. 10:19), that motivates us (1 Cor 4:5), that masters and rules us (Ps. 119:133; Eph 5:5), or that we trust, fear, or serve (Isa 42:17; Matt 6:24; Luke 12:4-5).  In short, it is something we love and pursue more than God (Phil 3:19).

This is where I am stumbling, or more appropriately, falling on my face.  In thinking that I am only seeking what is "right", I am actually creating an idol that is rising up to overtake what is good. 

Sigh.....

The good news?  God is working. 
Stay tuned for part 2.