The Lord has been working on me in the area of letting go. I never knew this about myself, but I like things to be the same and not change. Oh, I like change in things that don't matter...like living room furniture or the dinner menu. But not so much in the things that hit me personally.
When those things do change against my will then I tend to rebel either inwardly or outwardly. And even though I might not say them out loud, the phrases "it's not fair" or "that's not right" take a prominent place in my thoughts. My character is revealed by my reaction to the unplanned.
And while I try to surrender I find myself still working hard to order my life in the way that seems best to me. I want to avoid these unnecessary and uncomfortable changes. I'm good at justifying my own "needs" to skirt around an unreasonable rule or others' advice being sure that they really don't understand my unique situation.
In 1 & 2 Samuel there are so many different situations that make me want to rise up and cry "INJUSTICE!!" The story of Michal, David's first wife, is a perfect example. I feel sorry for her. She was taken away from a husband who obviously loved her to be just one of many in the king's palace. And what about her husband who followed behind weeping??
But the thing that really made me sit up and take notice was Michal's reaction. When she saw David dancing in the street she despised him in her heart. No doubt still bitter from what she had lost. Did she have a "right" to be? Doesn't it seem natural? Not to God. All the days of her life she was cursed to have no children.
So what would've been right? To forgive. To surrender. To be content in all circumstances. To love her husband David. I'm guessing that a smile wouldn't have hurt either.
It has made me reflect on this feeling of fairness and justification. Of not willing to give of myself unless it is perfectly comfortable. Of manipulating circumstances to please myself. And I think, "how is that Christ like?" How am I following my Savior that willingly gave up everything for me?
Lord help me not to be a Michal. Help me to surrender fully from my heart and hold nothing back. Help me to embrace every new thing and willingly give of all that I am. Amen.
2 comments:
Sandy,
I totally get where you are coming from. Sometimes it's just so hard to let go.
I just read that story the other day and noted for the first time that she was taken away from her husband! So difficult. I thought the same thigns as you - how she must have felt such anger toward David for ruining her life. I was even thinking about it again this morning in church!! (moment of mind wandering...) Interesting that we have only so recently meditated on the same thing. I like your perspective. Very encouraging!
Post a Comment